'Gil is #1's' Story, My story, just read it. Options

[Daniella]

Hello, wrote a story...and I'm sharing it...

DO NOT FORGET TO COMMENT!

Here it is- (This is only part, I'll wait for comments, then I can write the rest) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/lalaexdee.gif)



The Poodle





‘Have you ever heard of a dog so smart it seemed as if it was inhabited by a person? WHAT, NO!? Then clean your ears out and listen up, well, read this:’


Dog Day & Dog Moon PAPER

One Caring Poodle

DOGS - The poodle named
Victoria Apricot is not
your usual poodle, she is
smart! I’m not saying
THOSE OTHER Poodles aren’t
smart. Well, not as smart as
Victoria, she is Kind. For once
she helped another elderly dog in its
time of need. She had carried its food
dish to it when it was hungry! She’s brave,
she carried a poor little kitten out of a
burning apartment building, which is weird, no
Dog helps a Cat! She also does lots of other
things in such manner! So as I said she is
not your usual poodle, for most poodles just
sit around on their bottom, waving their little
stubby tail around, eating all their fancy
foodstuffs! Victoria has people treating her
like that, but only AFTER she does something
nice! - Reggie the Amazing Writing Dog





‘So amazing!! That good, young Victoria, ah let us turn it over to her point of view to see what she’d be up to now. See you later, friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

(1)
Victoria the Good-Hearted Dog along with words of Peeper, Reggie, Alex, Tao and the Wise Ones

“Peeper, come, come, come over to the poodle, before you meet your death, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily please, oh please, oh, please?” Victoria sang to the little bird, which was on the smallest twig of the tree and it looked as if it was going to fall, Peeper did not know how to fly.
“Death?” The little bird, (whose name, as I ought to have told you is Peeper,) said, cocking his head, as he flapped his wings rapidly.
Victoria shook her head, suddenly Peeper hopped to her head and looked down at her, “Ask, ask, ask, you should have just grabbed, grab, grabbed me,” he shook his head, “Such a disgrace to the Dog name, I guess you’re a Cat, they would have done the same thing,” once again he shook his head, which was actually his whole body.
Victoria coughed, “At least I’m bigger than my lunch, little bird.” She put Peeper in to his nest and jumped down from the tree.
“Touché, Cat-Dog...thing, I say touché!” He flapped his tiny wings as the poodle walked away.
“Phenomenal! Victoria! That was cool; ‘Superhero’ shall be the next ‘Dog’-line!” Shouted a somewhat, crazy voice. The only true owner of that voice is, Reggie the Amazing Writing Dog. He jumped out in front of her and licked his lips, “Yes, it is I and I know that you were thinking, ‘oh no, not him again’, and I value the fact that you did not say it.”
It was true, she did think that. I mean come on, how could you not think that. Reggie had the acting of the Crazy Cat from the back ally, but he looked like Old Mo, he was the old sleeping Dog that slept under the stairs in Buckley’s Inn, the local Inn. Sometimes they thought Old Mo was dead, too. Even though Reggie is younger, hmm he looks like what Mo looked like when he was younger, lots younger.
“Yes Reggie, you can write that ‘Bird does not thank dog for help’, then the next day, you can write ‘dog sues dog for stalking the other dog’.” She walked passed him.
“Ooh, who is dog and other dog, don’t say Old Mo, he didn’t do anything!” Reggie got back in front of her and stood there, his bottom in the air.
“Listen, other dog is Y-O-U, you, and dog is M-E, as you know, me, got it,” she then left as Reggie sat writing on his paper the words, with the pencil in his mouth, ‘YOU IS ME’, and, ‘ME IS YOU’¬¬¬¬¬.
“Oh-ho-ho, Victoria such a kidder,” Reggie chuckled, as he shook his head, “Hey, where are you going?” He said after he noticed she was walking away.
“To go see Sir Augustus and Sir Asparagus, I want to ask of something,” Victoria said, turning to him with a nod of her head and a friendly smile.
Reggie looked blank, “Who?” He said, licking his lips and frowning.
Her smile disappeared, “Who? Augustus and Asparagus the ones who know everything, of the Cat side of town to the Dog side, Augustus the Cat knows of all Dogs and Asparagus the Dog knows of all Cats, and most Cats and Dogs don’t know that of each other, they know more of anything than anything does of itself which is quite weird, yes.”
Reggie blinked twice.
“Well bye-bye.” She sighed. Victoria went down Main Street, then down past Reggie’s Dog Day & Dog Moon newspaper publishing building, which was not really a building, it was just a opening under the stairs to a restaurant which was filled with a few Dogs and a few Cats, which isn’t very legal in Dogs, in which they found paper for Reggie to write on and pencils, too, anyway, then past a post office, then the Buckley’s Inn, then past a Dog’s house, then Victoria went through the Market Plaza, in which many people and animals were at. Haffel City is a massive place. She thought she saw a few illegal Cats without a pass in the Dog half of the market, hoping to steal something from someone’s pocket, through the back ally and she tried to avoid the Crazy Cat, who looked as if he’d been in another fight with something, he hissed at her a couple of times, too, then after all that she finally found an old, boarded up house, in both the Dog half and Cat half, uh anyway, she crawled through a cellar door in the back. Which made the police dog, Spike, get suspicious about that, some people don’t like him, ‘he can go to both animals sides’...


Comments, anyone?

[Charmy]

Same as before from when I read. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/emot-iia.png)
Are you going to put up the rest soon?

[AlKo]

Pretty decent, has some mistakes here and there and it could go for a bigger vocabulary. Just giving some advice.

[Charmy]

Can you read my story? I also need a bigger vocubulary, that's why I keep and thesurous next to me when I'm writing.

[Daniella]

Atleast I'm trying to do the best I can. Thank you for the comments and here's some more... (I'll have to write more later)



“Hellllloooooo...,” whispered Victoria as she looked around.
The place looked as if no one lived in it. There were broken chairs and other furniture, like tables, chairs and blah blah blah. Dust, cobwebs, spiders, ripped curtains, dirt, broken floorboards, which had mice hiding in them and were running through them, all that was scattered around, also. Victoria squeezed through one of the broken holes in the floor; the dirt on that path had paw prints and claw scratches. After she appeared in a bit fancier place which had both Cats and Dogs walking about, she went to her brother, Alex, also a poodle, obviously, but, he was not the girly kind of looking poodle. He was burying something over in a corner. By now, all you could see was his bottom. He digs fast...
“HEY!!!” Victoria called to him.
“It’s MINE!” Alex barked, whirling around and jumping on top of the hole he made, dirt flying everywhere.
“Oh, it’s just you. What do you want?” He said. He really just wanted to get back to the bone. “Ohhhhh, I know what you want; you want to steal my bone that’s it! Well you’re not getting it, sister-Dog!” Alex growled.
“No, no, no, no, NO, I just want to talk to Asparagus and Augustus, you crazy animal.” She said shaking her head.
“Oh.......................................,” Alex said. He seemed embarrassed. Alex then led her through holes in walls and in floors finally to be at Augustus and Asparagus’s living quarters.
“Hello, Victoria Apricot, how are you this fine, wonderful, amazing day?” Said Augustus the Cat, with warmth in his voice, he came around to face her. Augustus was the wisest Cat of all and also the oldest, though he did not look very old.
“Oh, Aug shouldn’t I be the not to say the welcomes to the Dogs?” Said the wise, old Dog Asparagus from behind a tall stack of books.
“Asp, I would, but you don’t remember half their names, buddy.” The Cat said with a sigh.
“Eh, if I may interrupt, I really wanted to just ask a question...,” said Victoria, from the middle of the two bickering animals.
“Oh, sure!” The Cat and Dog said together, they liked questions.
“Wait GASP, if I may say, I should be the one to ask, uh...,” said Asparagus, struggling with the name,
Augustus sighed, “Her name’s Vic-tor-ia Ap-ri-cot, Asp.” He shook his head.
“Right... Victoria, why are you here, last I heard, you’re owners are leaving?” He squint his eyes, as he was thinking. The way Asparagus said ‘owners’ like that was because he thought owners...‘held you against your will’.
“L-le-lea-leav-,” stuttered the quite confused poodle, choking over her words. Alex, who just happened to have been walking by, patted her on the back and shook his head. When Victoria regained her thoughts, she said, “Leaving...,” she eyed the two, as to be Asparagus and Augustus.
“L-l-l-leaving,” echoed Alex, saying the ‘l-l-l’ to be funny, without a cough or a pause. For some reason he looked excited. His ears popped up, and his eyebrows, (rubbish, Dogs have eyebrows), rose.
“Yeah, you did not know?” Augustus said licking his paw and putting it on his chin.
Asparagus growled. “Those horrible, ghastly, revolting humans... I thought, no, I knew this would happen. Once they buy you they play with you and it’s all happy and giddy, then they start to get new things, then forget about you then they just feed you and sometimes forget to, too. Then they start to not like you and not want you and just take you to the pound, or as I call it jail.” He barked furiously.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, cool down, cool it down Asp. Now, we got to solve this calmly and prepared-like. Victoria, what shall you do?” The Cat said as calm as possible.
“What? You are the ones to help me!” She said.
“Well, well, well. I don’t know what to do about this...,” He meowed calmly.
“Ooh, why!? Ahhh! Ok what am I suppose to do?” Victoria growled.
Alex closed his eyes, “Hm, hm, hm, hmm, hmmmmmmm. Aha! I got an idea, how about we, and when I say ‘we’ I mean you, go follow them?” Alex suggested.
Augustus gasped, “Alexander McPop! You are a genius, Victoria do as he says, go, go follow them, hmm, you don’t know where they’re going, eh. Ask around first and then maybe you will know something...,” The Cat waved his tail to her as she left.
When she and Alex got to the fancy room, Alex smiled, “Hey Victoria when you leave can I have your dog-house?”
“Alex I’m not, departing this life, I might come back if I can’t find them,” she shook her head.
She left her brother behind and climbed through the hole and out the cellar door. She looked around and saw Spike the police dog, she went to him, “Spike, sir, do you know anything about my people leaving?”
“Hmm,” he looked at the dog-paper underneath his foot, “No, wait...yes, why are you-,”
“Still here? I don’t know...,”
“Oh! No one interrupts a police dog!” Spike barked. “And you don’t know where they went? Did you ask Alex McPoop? The Wise Ones? Pip? Go ask Pip, he knows all.” Lies...

[HarvestMoonGuard...]

Cool. I enjoyed it! Can't wait to see what else you make.

[Daniella]

Wow! Someone finally said something... :D
Though, I think I'm going to give up on this story for awhile... -.-'
I can't think of anything else to write... :(

[HarvestMoonGuard...]

Shoot...Too bad. It's really good!

[Daniella]

Do you want me to PM you the whole story, of what I have so far..? :O

[Hasfusel]

I don't really understand. Why is
the first part written like this? It really
is quite confusing. I fail to understand why
one of the characters says, "Touché, Cat-
Dog thing...Touché!". What does this mean and
what are the implications?

[Daniella]

I don't really understand. Why is
the first part written like this? It really
is quite confusing. I fail to understand why
one of the characters says, "Touché, Cat-
Dog thing...Touché!". What does this mean and
what are the implications?

In my story, I had put a square around it, as to be a piece of paper.
And notice that it says Dog Day&Dog Moon PAPER, it's a newspaper.
And I don't understand what you mean by that second thing...

And think it's a dog who wrote that paper... :\