Lindstrom Knows Everything, everything that matters, anyway Options

[Lindstrom]

A really wacky Japanese writer who's pretty well known in Japan for his writing, but better known outside of Japan for creating the MOTHER series (every single line in all 3 games he wrote himself, which is more interesting if you've played the games). Occasionally the EarthBound site I check they'll have some news about him, and I think this article was my favorite. There are a good deal of pictures on that site of him doing crazy shit all over his office building.

[Headtrip]

Why do we have this stereotype that the Japanese are quiet, reserved, modest, and sheltered?

[Lindstrom]

Do you? I have the opinion that they have a different take on things than us, or at least me, for the most part. I was under the opinion that to a Japanese person, personal space is a big thing and violating it is most uncool. Other than that, I don't know if I can say much towards how they generally are.

[Darth-Paper-Boy]

Keeping on the line of EB related topics, is it possible that Negative Man is Luigi's alter-ego?

(IMG:http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g281/worthlessnewbie/Nintendo/3680163.jpg)

[Headtrip]

Why don't you just change this topic title to "Ask And Hear Stuff About Earthbound"?

[Lindstrom]

He's already got one. I don't know about you, but when I first saw Negative Man, I thought he was a big thing of taffy. Maybe even a Charleston Chew.

Only if you change your user name to "I just post anime clips"

[Hasfusel]

We talkin' the slow walkin' zombies or the fast, run and chase you down type, and how many are there? Zombies aren't all that tough if you got something to beat them with, all you gotta do is swing something properly to break their arms and then bash the skull, since zombies are technically weaker than a healthy human, and the human body can only withstand so much. I'm also assuming there's no alternative exit to the room, cuz I'd just take that. Anyway I'd probably break off a leg from the table to use as a club. Actually, break off all the legs and lift the table and use it as a giant shield of sorts if needed. Also, I'm gonna cut off at least one of my sleeves, assuming it's not wet (I'm not a sweaty guy so it should be ok). I'll move through the room using the table to push away zombies assuming there are too many to just beat them. When I have a chance, I get behind the arcade machine closest to the door, unplug it, wrap the torn sleeve around the wire, and cut through it with the knife, but leaving the knife in there. Even without a point it wouldn't be hard to get it through the wire. Then I plug the machine back in and turn on the machine. This should cause an electrical fire, and then I can kick the machine over in the direction of the remaining zombies as I make my escape. The building will probably burn down with all the zombies in it.

Excellent plan, but unfortunately there is no power in the arcade machines. Suddenly they all start at once, power or no power. Just as suddenly they all turn off, along with the dim light. The room is filled with darkness. The lights turn on again for a split second, allowing you to glimpse the blank white eyes of the undead for a moment before the room is plunged back into the dark. You hear a shuffling sound. Note that these zombies aren't slow and lurchey, nor can they be taken out after a hit or two. Being mere animate corpses, they can run as fast as a human body possibly can as they have boundless energy and no sense of being tired. By the same rule, they can hit you as strong as is possible without breaking the laws of physics. But nonetheless, they advance slowly. You know the door is locked now. Lightning flashes outside, allowing you to see the zombies getting closer for a second. One is climbing out of the piano. You close your eyes, and when you open them again there is a zombie right in front of you. You can smell the decaying flesh. The zombie opens its mouth to moan, and slime dribbles out the mouth. What next?

[IdlersDream]

What would you do if you went to Wal-Mart and no one was there?

[Lindstrom]

See, that's the problem with zombie stories. How is a zombie, a dead decaying creature, supposed to be more durable and just as quick as a normal living human? Pushing themselves just as hard would cause them to fall apart. Zombies are lame because everyone always makes up their own rules for whatever garbage story they're telling. Also, if I knew there was no power I woulda adjusted my plan accordingly. You still haven't really given me an idea how many zombies there are, either. Is the room packed like a club, or is there room for me to maneuver around?

After wondering how I found myself in such a sloppy narrative, in a fantastic display of acrobatics, I jump up and over the zombie using the wall and the zombie to get elevated. I then hop from zombie head to zombie head until I make my way to a window which I break using the table leg and leap outside to safety. NOW can I burn the place down?

I don't go to Wal-Mart, partly because the closest one is rather far, and also because Wal-Mart is lame. If I did go to an empty Wal-Mart though, I would pretty much take whatever valuables I could, starting with however much money is in the registers and back room.

[Hasfusel]

How dare you criticise my narrative. Remember that I'm trying to base this as much as possible on my dream.
The zombies, being created out of a dream, are generic corpses controlled by the dream. They have no concept of fatigue or weakness on account of having no minds. Because it's a dream you can kill them any way you like as long as you believe it will work, but it works the other way round. They won't fall apart because you haven't thought of that, see? One only climbed out the piano because you had the thought, "what if one was in the piano" and hey presto. It's the same with the lights. The fact that the machine had no power was due to the despair factor in the dream - you had the thought "what if there's no power? This place is pretty dusty anyway." That's how dreams work.
You leap over they heads, partially flying using your belief, and try to smash the window with the leg. The window breaks, but you realise you won't fit so you point your fingers at the door, and say "Alohamora". True, it sounds like a hawaiian song but it worked for Harry Potter and it'll darn well work for you. The door swings open, and you run down the beach. The zombies follow, running faster than you but somehow remaining a few paces behind. You reach into your pocket and pull out the plastic cowboys'n'indians, and then turn and throw one at the zombie in the front, who is wearing a native american headdress. It hits him and he burns to the ground screaming. You escape to the station, and everything's alright.
Don't look at me like that, I didn't choose the dream.

The fridge is empty. You're really hungry. The ice cream you bought to share with your fiancée is on the table, but there is no spoon. Your fiancée is having a shower in the bathroom. What do you do?

[Lindstrom]

Woah, I have a fiancee? Is she smart and cute and all sorts of other important factors? Anyway I'd probably go out and get something to cook for dinner since we have nothing. Not to mention it makes a nice surprise for her to come out of the shower and find dinner being prepared/finished.

[Headtrip]

Touche.

We now have matters that matter in the hands of important people with important matters that matter...importantly.

What should we do? And which anime am I quoting?

[Lindstrom]

Don't know don't care

[Headtrip]

Are you sure? It might be important.
Speaking of which, what should we do with telemarketers who call you during dinner?

[Lindstrom]

Not sure if they have it in Canada, but in the US there's a government list you can put yourself on to make it so telemarketers aren't allowed to call you past like, 5 o'clock or something. I forget to the details but basically telemarketers during dinner doesn't happen anymore.

[Hasfusel]

In England the correct response is to swear down the phone at the telemarketer. In France the correct response is to take a gun and go and see the manager of the company, and sort things out peacefully so that you don't get called any more.

Your fiancée, a pretty, soft-spoken intelligent woman of moderate height with a really lovely laugh and long black hair, has called you to tell you that her father will be coming to stay for the weekend until he can move back into his flat, which is currently being rebuilt. He was staying at a hostel but was kicked out; your future father-in-law is a real pig, who drinks beer like water, smells like a dead fox and has the social skills of a warthog. He likes to talk about "wo-mens what I shagged" and "them for-eign terr-o-rists what is ta-king the place ov-er". And worst of all, he licks the plate after dinner and eats peas with his fingers. It goes without saying that you really, really don't like him. However, he's completely loaded with money, is rather free with it when he's drunk (which is often), and both you and your fiancée are strapped for cash. What do you do?

[IdlersDream]

Canada has that list to but it really doesn't work...

Do you even both to answer the phone if you see it's long distance?

[Lindstrom]

Sounds a lot like my own dad, in which case the two of them would probably get along great. I'd just have him hang out with my dad.

Well, my phone will say what state it's from at least, so if it's from California or something, I'll pick it up. If it's an 800 number, unknown number, or from a weird-ass nowhere state, then I ignore it. Often times I get calls for the guy who used to have my number though, but those are local.

[Darth-Paper-Boy]

On the edge of a dark empire, you embark on a mission no one has yet survived. Can you defeat the Bydo Empire?

[Lindstrom]

Yeah totally, I'm all about doin' what no one else can do.