Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> unknown identity, it about a half werewolf and half vampire
slient vampire
post Nov 22 2008, 04:10 AM
Post #1


Member
Group: Newbies
Joined: 9-September 08



HEY! HEY! WHAT HAPPENING TO ME?!? MOM!! as I woke from sweat and blood I ran to my mother room to cry into her shoulder to tell her my dream but all she could say it just a phase sweetie. it will pass... it will pass...

chapter one~why

As I stare into the moon to change from vampire to werewolf I thought to myslef that night my parents told me that I was a vampire/werewolf I never belived them but now I reget that day because I get sick of that replaying in side my head....suddley I heard a branch crack I turn in defense. O it just you Scott... Hey! Quiency do u want to wait with me until we phase and start are rempage? whatever I dont care beside were going to fight each etheir like we do every night. that true... as we sat there and began with the pains of turning into a werewolf I suddly had this earge to kill someone but not anyone but my mother! I never had that feeling before?!? I tryed to get it out of me before it to late.But it was to late I began to run...

chapter two>unknown
As I running trying to stop myslef I thought to my self how come I want to kill her if she didnt do anything wrong to me... or did she as I was wondering this scott was chaseing afther me runing like a crazy man trying to kill me like always but never succeds in it right when he was about to attack me he jumped around andx stood there staring wardeing as soon as that happen I ran into my house head on tripping o n ewverything then I fianlly stop in front of my dead father and mother bodys just lifeles and cold.....
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Hasfusel
post Nov 22 2008, 12:19 PM
Post #2


Goodnight
Group: Ranch Hand
Joined: 27-March 08


QUOTE
chapter one~why

As I stare into the moon to change from vampire to werewolf I thought to myslef that night my parents told me that I was a vampire/werewolf I never belived them but now I reget that day because I get sick of that replaying in side my head....suddley I heard a branch crack I turn in defense. O it just you Scott... Hey! Quiency do u want to wait with me until we phase and start are rempage? whatever I dont care beside were going to fight each etheir like we do every night. that true... as we sat there and began with the pains of turning into a werewolf I suddly had this earge to kill someone but not anyone but my mother! I never had that feeling before?!? I tryed to get it out of me before it to late.But it was to late I began to run...


That was illegible, so I've gone to the trouble of preparing an English language version~

Chapter One~ Why


As I stared into the moon, about to change from vampire to werewolf, I thought back to myself about that night my parents told me that I was a werewolf vampire. Now I reget that day, and I get sick of it replaying inside my head over and over...
A branch cracked in the darkness. I crouched, ready to pounce, but then I saw who it was. "Oh, it's just you, Scott..." I said.
"Hey! Quincy! Do you want to wait with me until we phase and start another empage?" he shouted from the garden.
"Whatever," I said with a sigh, "I don't care. Besides we're going to end up fighting each other like we do every night."
"That's true..."
As we sat there and began with the pains of turning into a werewolf I began to feel the usual urge to kill someone... not just anyone this time however, but my mother! I never had experienced such a feeling of hate for an individual before. I tried to get the thought out of me before it was too late. But it was too late. Leaping down from my window, I began to run...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
slient vampire
post Nov 22 2008, 01:30 PM
Post #3


Member
Group: Newbies
Joined: 9-September 08



thank u I think that sounds better then the real one
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Hasfusel
post Nov 23 2008, 07:51 PM
Post #4


Goodnight
Group: Ranch Hand
Joined: 27-March 08


As I said, you need a basic grasp of grammar and spelling before you write or nobody will bother to read it. Go read a book or something. I'm not trying to be harsh, just helpful. Don't get me wrong.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
slient vampire
post Nov 24 2008, 12:56 AM
Post #5


Member
Group: Newbies
Joined: 9-September 08



QUOTE (Hasfusel @ Nov 23 2008, 01:51 PM) *
As I said, you need a basic grasp of grammar and spelling before you write or nobody will bother to read it. Go read a book or something. I'm not trying to be harsh, just helpful. Don't get me wrong.


I been told that before and I do read books
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Twilight Wandere...
post Nov 24 2008, 01:03 AM
Post #6


Melted Wings of Wax
Group: Global Moderators
Group Icon

Joined: 22-January 08


Trust me, she reads books (IMG:style_emoticons/default/lalaexdee.gif)
Hmm, this is pretty good, I like it, write more please (IMG:style_emoticons/default/lalagrin.gif)
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Hasfusel
post Nov 24 2008, 06:05 PM
Post #7


Goodnight
Group: Ranch Hand
Joined: 27-March 08


Helpful tips~

- Full stop at the end of each sentance, and then a space. Like so.

- Capital letter at the beginning of a sentance, for names of people, countries, and the date. Nothing else.
Example: It is Tuesday today. It is the 24th of February. Hello, friends. My name is Hasfusel.

- Put speech marks in front of and behind speech, e.g. "Hello, my name is Dave," said Dave.

- Start a new paragraph when a different person is speaking, e.g. The woman looked around. "Who are you?" he asked.
"My name's Bond. James Bond." said James. "I'm here to take all your money."
"I won't let you." said the woman. "No."
"In that case, I'll kill you." said James.
"How?"
"With this handy knife."
"Oh. Take the money, then."

- Take the effort to spell right, and use commas when you need them. If you aren't sure on a spelling, check in a dictionary or something.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Lindstrom
post Nov 24 2008, 06:59 PM
Post #8


irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann
Group: Veterans
Joined: 6-July 08


I'm pretty sure the parents were killed by Belmonts. That first paragraph is bullcrap.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Hasfusel
post Nov 24 2008, 08:38 PM
Post #9


Goodnight
Group: Ranch Hand
Joined: 27-March 08


To put it bluntly, yes. I'm sorry. Even graced with good grammar and spelling, it's enough to make Bram Stoker turn in his grave. You need practise.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
slient vampire
post Nov 25 2008, 03:59 AM
Post #10


Member
Group: Newbies
Joined: 9-September 08



OK IGET THE POINT WRITE FILPING BETTER JEZZ U DONT HAVE TO TELL ME SIX THOASNDS TIMES AND I DONT CARE I DINT THINK OF THE PARENTS MAN THATS ANNOYING

sorry I hate when pepole do that but yea sorry
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Hasfusel
post Nov 30 2008, 02:59 PM
Post #11


Goodnight
Group: Ranch Hand
Joined: 27-March 08


QUOTE (slient vampire @ Nov 25 2008, 03:59 AM) *
OK IGET THE POINT WRITE FILPING BETTER JEZZ U DONT HAVE TO TELL ME SIX THOASNDS TIMES AND I DONT CARE I DINT THINK OF THE PARENTS MAN THATS ANNOYING

sorry I hate when pepole do that but yea sorry


English language version:


Ok, I get the point. Write flipping better, jeez! You don't have to tell me six thousand times and I don't care that I didn't think of the parents! Man, that's annoying!

Sorry, I hate it when people do that. Sorry.

- Hasfusel, correcting killer grammar fails since 1993
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
slient vampire
post Nov 30 2008, 08:53 PM
Post #12


Member
Group: Newbies
Joined: 9-September 08



QUOTE (Hasfusel @ Nov 30 2008, 08:59 AM) *

English language version:


Ok, I get the point. Write flipping better, jeez! You don't have to tell me six thousand times and I don't care that I didn't think of the parents! Man, that's annoying!

Sorry, I hate it when people do that. Sorry.

- Hasfusel, correcting killer grammar fails since 1993


.................thanks?
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 



Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 27th December 2024 - 10:11 AM