Life On The Farm - The Finale, Written by Saffy and Toaster Boy, Part 5 of 5 Options

[Saffy]

"Leave me alone, I just want to go to bed," Saffy told the girl giving him potatoes.

But the girl forced her potato agenda onto him. She was very insistent on giving Saffy those edible objects in inedible form. Saffy begrudgingly accepted annoying potato girl’s potatoes. Annoying potato girl stuck up her nose, let out a “hmph!”, then got hit in the head by her own darn potato. Saffy really didn’t care for potato agendas being forced upon him.

“They’re full of starch, your highness,” the annoying potato girl said sarcastically, giving Saffy more potatoes. She seemed to have ignored being hit in the head. “You’re a farmer; you know what to do. You’ve done it before.” She gave him another potato.

Saffy wanted to get rid of the potatoes, but against his will he could not. He had those potatoes in his hands. The annoying potato girl had given him potatoes, much to his refusal. Why would someone be so keen to force potatoes onto another? Saffy hated these potatoes. He really did, and he didn’t know why. These potatoes were more unpleasant to him than eating the ground from which they came.

“It’s great you gave me these potatoes, but they’re just potatoes. They’re not going to fix anything, nor are they going to bring me any closer to bed or to sleep.”

The annoying potato girl left Saffy with his new pile of potatoes. Saffy dropped them, refusing to make any of use of them, irritated by her insistence. Who was she to give him potatoes? Saffy kicked one and stomped on another.

Roger saw Saffy throwing a fit over his potato collection. Alas, he thought, someone else shares my potato problems. Roger had no idea why this annoying potato girl was so insistent on giving him potatoes either, and was concerned why her potato agenda had spread to another. Roger at least ate some of his potatoes; Saffy just discarded them like trash.

Roger decided that sitting there and idly watching Saffy throw a fit over his potatoes was going to do him no good, so he went over to him.

“Hey man, I know that these potatoes aren’t exactly the best things they have to offer, but aimlessly destroying them isn’t going to do much.”

“But I don’t care!” Saffy struck back. They think that these potatoes are so easy to make use of! They don’t understand: anyone can prepare potatoes, but only a few know how to actually use them. It’s as if they think chucking potatoes at me is some sort of solution to their problems. It’s just causing more problems for you and I.”

“Yes, I know,” Roger calmly added, then took a breath. “But you can’t refuse the way they are. Denying potatoes will only get you more potatoes. It’s just life, really.”

“It’s easy to say,” Saffy responded. “But the fact of the matter is I don’t want them. I can’t refuse them, though. I have to accept them; for as long as I’m here, it’s my duty to prepare these.”

“I guess so. Inevitable potatoes.” Roger felt content with his choice of words.

“No, I’m not going to let that annoying potato girl control me. These potatoes won’t take me over; my life is my life. No matter how you size it up, that’s what it comes down to.” Saffy was insistent this potato problem was actually a problem far larger than potatoes.

“So, what do you want to do then? I’m fussed about this ordeal myself, but I’m unsure of the path to take. What’s your plan?” Roger began to see matters Saffy’s way.

“I need to leave here. That’s the only way. I think getting away from this potato nonsense will give me an opportunity to clear my head, maybe give me some insight into myself.” Saffy was positive this potato ordeal meant more than it seemed.

“You really want to leave it all? Over potatoes? It’s not the end of the world if you have to just do the girls bidding for a bit.” Roger thought Saffy was just a bit extreme.

“No, no, I’m sure. There isn’t another option. I’m done with it. I’m leaving,” Saffy paused, “right now. And I suggest you come too, if you want these problems to end for you as well.”

The two discussed their options, with Saffy ultimately convincing Roger to leave with him. They decided to pack that night and leave in the morning.

[Saffy]

Despite being run out of town, Saffy and Roger felt really proud they had left, but it wasn’t long before they were completely bored of the idea too. Sure, it was grand to leave and cause a scene, but there wasn’t much attention left once it was all over. Where do they go from there?

“We need to do something else so we don’t feel guilty immediately after leaving,” said Saffy.
“I know EXACTLY what to do,” Roger quickly responded.

So, Saffy and Roger did moose stuff, since they had made it to a forest. That could mean anything, really. From having dinosaurs in the room with people to drinking from that lake over there while you watch. Don’t worry about the specifics.

In time, they grew bored of moose stuff. Roger spit out the branch that was in his mouth. He wasn’t quite sure how it got there or why he had been so into moose stuff. The two quieted down and began looking for a place to sleep.

“You know, it hasn’t been that long, but I already miss abusing the village folks. They provided some quality entertainment,” Roger noted. “Yeah, I know. That unwarranted power we had was pretty awesome. Oh well, I don’t know if the fun was worth the headaches,” Saffy answered.

“Meh, I guess. Where do you think we should go from here? We only left a short while ago and I’m already feeling guilty for leaving,” Roger thought aloud.
“Me too, actually. I wonder why we aren’t able to get very far from there without feeling some sort of guilt. What did the others who left do that we didn’t?” Saffy questioned.
“I guess they left under the radar, didn’t they? We had to create some sort of scene filled with anger and spite,” Roger retorted.

“Oh well, there’s nothing that we can do about it now. I kind of wish we could have remained calm, but the past is the past. It’s getting late; we should get some sleep,” Saffy replied. “Yeah, I suppose we should. We’re in a forest, so it would make sense to camp around here. Let’s pitch the tent,” Roger said, taking out the tent the two had packed.

The two set up the tent, and tried to drift off into a state of slumber. They tossed and turned for hours until they reached a point where they realized they could not sleep. This world was
preventing them from doing so.

“Saffy, I can’t get to sleep. I’ve been trying for hours, and this definitely isn’t my insomnia,” stated a worried Roger. “Someone should take pity on you. The idea of not sleeping for hours on end every night is quite a conundrum,” Saffy told him. “I can’t sleep either though, so it’s not just you. What’s going on?”

Roger began, “I couldn’t sleep in the village either. It seems like some force is causing us to stay awake, and we have to find some solution to it.”
“What could we do, besides get far away? Next thing I know, you’re gonna suggest we go to the North Pole,” Saffy stated sarcastically.
“Dude, good idea!” Roger added, completely serious. “The North Pole! Secluded, away from everyone, nothing to guilt us, we could finally get some sleep!” he concluded.

Saffy was bemused and shocked at Roger. This kid is kinda dumb, if he thinks it’s that easy to get to the North Pole that fast. “How are we going to get there then?” he asked.

Roger informed, “Now is the time you come up with some random idea to advance the plot.”

“So your plan relies on me having a plan? I don’t like this plan already, and it hasn’t even been made!” Saffy laughed, but was not happy. “Yeah, man. You need to do it!” Roger egged him on.

“Hang on, why the North Pole? Is there something cool up there?” Saffy pondered at him

“We could be on top of the world man! Our jerkitude would calm down for once. And! We’d be so far away from everyone. It’d be awesome!” Roger exclaimed. “But the dilemma is actually getting there, as I’ve said. When are you gonna pull the Saffy magic and get us around this plot obstacle?” Roger repeated the question.

Saffy thought long and hard about the question. He really wanted to come up with an answer. “Oh, man! I know! SkyRider! He could fly us there!”

“Wait, how does that work? Do you even know if he has a plane?” Roger asked skeptically.
“Of course he does. He has sky and rider in his name; he’s bound to have a plane. Jeez, were you born yesterday or something?” Saffy remarked, insulting Roger.
“Alright, whatever. If you’re so sure this plan is foolproof, go give him a call then,” Roger snapped back, his feelings crumbling from the awesome burn he had given.

Saffy pulled out his trusty mobile phone and dialed SkyRider’s number. SkyRider picked up, and Saffy asked if he did in fact have a plane. “Of course I have a plane. I have sky and rider in my name. Isn’t it obvious?” SkyRider answered.

Smug that he was right, Saffy told SkyRider to pick them up, because they needed to get somewhere only he could take them. When asked where they were, Saffy generically told him a few miles from town.

“Oh, whatever then. If you didn’t know, you could’ve just said. I guess I’ll be coming soon. If you’re in a forest, make a fire so I can tell where you are,” SkyRider finished then hung up.

Saffy started a forest fire to call attention to their location. He wasn’t bothered by the flaming animals, having seen a bear earlier, and didn’t notice the swarm of porcupines around him growling because they had been set on fire. The two waited for their heaven-gliding friend to whisk them away to the most remote location possible.