My first scary story, I couldn't think of a title. Options

[Rebecca]

Rain was falling down at speeds of unimaginable proportions, making time between cloud and concrete almost nonexistent. The drops were falling so fast, you’d think that they were trying to escape some impending doom. The rebounds were creating a mist, only adding to the eeriness of the empty streets of the usually busy city.
SPLASH! The rush of a single pair of feet ran through the sidewalk, rushing to get out of the rain. She had just noticed the time, and ignored the drunken begging of her friends. There were only a few minutes left until curfew, and she knew the clock was going to beat her in this race.
She stopped. Something, or rather, someone was in her way. It was a young girl, much younger than herself, perhaps eight years old. The young girl was ghostly pale, with long, brown hair. You couldn’t see her face because she was wearing a white sun hat, and she kept her head tilted down. Her white dress didn’t even seem affected by the rain around her.
“I’ll help you. Follow me. I know a shortcut.” She had her hand stretched out, beckoning to the other girl.
Desperate for help in any form, and any reason to stop freezing in the rain, the girl followed her through a dark alleyway, that led to her house. Just before she was able to jump the fence into her backyard, the mysterious girl stopped.
“I just helped you. Can you help me?” she asked.
“What do you need?”
“First, will you help me? I have to know if you will help me.” This argument continued for several minutes, until the now late girl finally said:
“Fine! I’ll help you! Just tell me what you need.” The girl in white lifted the brim of her sun hat, revealing the sly, foxy smile beneath.
“I need your undying will to do whatever I say. You agreed, so now your soul is mine, forever.” Swirls of black and evil rushed out from nowhere, almost seeming to come from the mysterious girl, and swarmed around her prey. A hot, ominous wind raced from the little girl, bringing with it the scent of blood and decay. The sun hat flew off of the girl’s head, revealing the face that was paler than her skin, and where the eyes would be, were empty, soul-less sockets.
Blackness. Nothingness. Emptiness. There was nothing left. No alley, no rain, no mist. Just infinite darkness, and the two girls standing there alone, one with fear written on her face, and the other with malicious intent.
“Come on. Let’s play,” said the ghostly girl. “I want to play a game.” Her victim was unable to move. She could only stand there in fear, and pray that it was just a dream.
“I said ‘let’s play,’” she repeated. No response. Annoyed, she yelled, “ YOU WILL PLAY WITH ME!”
“Wh-wha-what do y-y-you w-w-want t-to play?” the frightened girl asked.
“First, call me master.”
“Wh-what do y-you want to play, master?”
“We’re going to play a game called ‘death without dying.’” The grin on the child’s soulless face grew wider than possible for a human. “The way you play is, I will kill you, as much as I want, however I want, and you will feel the pain, and never die.”
Unable to do anything, not even respond, the girl froze, all thought left her mind. She became so afraid that no sound would come from her mouth. No cry, no whimper, not even a whisper would utter from her lips. All she could do, was stand the pain.
“This is my favorite game,” the demon child said. She began preparing several torture devices and weapons. “I could play it forever.”

[Oscar]

It is creepy. Just imagining a little girl without any eyeballs, lolz. Little kids are always used as the thing to creep anyone out. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/lalaexdee.gif)

Are you continuing the story?

[Rebecca]

not right now. I don't think I want to continue it. I don't want to scare myself like that again. >.<

[Oscar]

Do it. You should go further. I mean it is almost October and we all know that's the best time of the year to do scary things or be scared.

[Rebecca]

... How about a dystopia story instead?

[Oscar]

I guess. Sounds like it could be even scarier, though.

[Rebecca]

It's my first shot at a scary story, and that's probably why.

[Oscar]

Oh, I thought you didn't want to do scary anymore.

Umm, but yeah, go for it!

[Rebecca]

Well, when I think of a scary story idea that actually freaks me out more than this one, I'll let you know. Until then, I'll be writing about a government that trains children to be assassins. Not every dystopia story has to have some connection to real life like 1984 and Anthem. :D

[Oscar]

This reminds me of the fanfictions. Everybody stopped writing them. You guys should continue!

[Rebecca]

... I stopped writing mine for two reasons.

1. I have no clue how to continue it
2. There was no ending ever planned.

[Oscar]

Lolz, plan it out in your mind right now. And then continue it.

[Rebecca]

Planning things out in my head rarely ever works out. I'll forget it.

[Oscar]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/lalaexdee.gif) Then write it down or type it up!

[Rebecca]

... you're going to keep telling me to do this until I do, aren't you...

[Oscar]

Haha, no. But I'm just letting you know your options! It's up to you.

[Rebecca]

usually ideas stay in my head like movie scenes. If I was to actually try to plan anything out rather than play the entire movie in my head and write the details of importance, then it would change the entire story.

[Charmy]

Sorry I'm late, but that was a rather cool read.

And Oscar, *Cough*Isstillwritingfanfic*Cough*

It'll be cool if you wrote another horror story. <3

[Noviwan]

Well done Becca! Not so much scary as it was... [ackbar]A TRAP![/ackbar] I wrote something similar to it but the women's baby ensnared her into a gruesome fate. It's well done you do something I am horrendous with and that is Dialogue I suck at writing what characters are saying.

[Chicken]

Nice start.

If you're looking for a critique, I would add a more in depth description of the "demon child", how she laughs, and stuff about how the "victim" turned pale or green with fear and such.

I like it, though. :D